The Best Seven Years Of Our Lives
Some enterprising young student at the University of Vermont – obviously business majors – placed an ad for a “house MILF.” Daphne Zuniga is from the Green Mountain State. I wonder if she is available?
View ArticleSingapore Schwing
Every time I wonder what it would be like to start dating again, a story like this catches my eye. It usually makes me hold on the marriage like grim death. Singapore has an extremely low birthrate,...
View ArticleDo You Feel Unlucky, Punk?
Today is Friday the 13th. As such, lunatics such as myself will be throwing salt over their shoulder, avoiding sidewalk cracks, and running away from black cats. According to folklorists, there is no...
View ArticleIs That About My Cube?
Do you want your child to breeze into an Ivy League school? If so, you need the Study Cube. It was created as a haven for studying, and was invented by -surprise – an Asian company. Some people can...
View ArticleFeral Hog Ransacks Camper’s Grog
Does every living mammal have access to alcohol in Australia? A feral pig ransacked a campsite and drank at least 18 cans cans of beer before getting into an altercation with a cow in Australia. The...
View ArticleThe Body Of Christine…
Amen! A Nashville woman has created a “Strip Church,” where she brings food and comfort to hot young strippers. One woman at a time, Erin Stevens is determined to lead every stripper in Nashville to...
View ArticleThe Silence Of The Mams
A central Pennsylvania town created a naked haunted house. I’m sure the skeletons won’t be the only bones visible during this event. Sinking Spring, Pennsylvania is opening its first haunted scream...
View ArticleA Tough Pill To Swallow
Canadian researchers – naturally – have developed a pill made from poop. Yeah, poop. The pills are said to cure serious stomach infections. As Lt. Lockhart said in Full Metal Jacket, “It’s a huge sh*t...
View ArticleThe Wrath Of Grapes
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you: does this look like the face of an innocent man? Emergency services say a man has died after being crushed by grapes during the annual harvest in the...
View ArticleBritish Man Toasts His Strudel
A London man made headlines this week when he stuck his dingus into a toaster. Apparently, this jackass wanted the kind of color a spray-on tan just couldn’t replicate. Firefighters came to the rescue...
View ArticleGay Boxer Takes Blows To Face
Gay boxer Orlando Cruz (right, with pink gloves) lost his title match to Orlando Salido in Las Vegas on Saturday night. Gay boxer Orlando Cruz lost his bid for a piece of the featherweight title...
View ArticleI Feel Like Chicken Tonight…
HuffPo – yes, I know – posted an article entitled, “7 Fired Folks Worse Than You At Their Jobs.” It’s a story meant to make you feel better, and for me, it succeeded. Primarily because I am really very...
View ArticleWhat About Brett Far-vra?
Dr. Evil sent me a text stating the St. Louis Rams reached out the Brett Favre to sub for the injured Sam Bradford. I replied, “Holy crap!” It was more a quote of disbelief rather than excitement. I...
View ArticleIgnorance Is (Marital) Bliss
The Daily Mail is trolling its readers again, and I have to admit; today they got me. This time they interview some broad named Julia, who claims she has had only one sex partner – her husband – and...
View ArticleIf You Like Your Brussels Sprouts…
Remember the constant Democrat accusations that eeeeevil Republicans wanted to see children starve? In New York City, that may actually be happening; courtesy of Barack Obama. On Nov. 1, sizable cuts...
View ArticleKarlie Kloss Gets In Just Under The Wire
Meet Karlie Kloss. Karlie is a Victoria’s Secret model, and while she’s obviously hot, she is a tad too skinny for my tastes. But that’s not why I’m posting about her. I’m posting about her because the...
View ArticleA Victory For Nancy Pelosi
medical researchers have found a cure for persistent genital arousal disorder: botox injections. Botox is being used to treat women who suffer from persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD). This...
View ArticleSounds Like Someone Has A Case Of The Herpes
I don’t work in an office setting, so I can’t confirm the rumors that people are dipping their pens into the office inkwell. I can, however, assure you the police department resembles something out of...
View ArticleHoklahoma!
If you live in the Oklahoma City area and are waiting for a package, you may be waiting a little while longer. It seems your UPS driver was delivering a package of his own. UPS is furiously...
View ArticleTo Boldly Go Where Many Stars Have Gone Before
Asexual Star Trek actor George Takei has jumped into the self-marketing game, and has done so with panache. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you “Eau My” cologne. It’s been a pun for years, and now it’s a...
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