Will The Banana Split?
Researchers are concerned about the future of the banana, which has come under attack from both bugs and viruses. The world’s supply of bananas is under threat from plagues of bugs and fungal...
View ArticleA Whole Lotto FAIL
About fifty of my co-workers ponied up money for the Mega Millions Lottery tonight. I never play the lottery, because I think only farm boys from Iowa and illiterate rednecks ever win. That said, I...
View ArticleStrip Clubs Have Gone To The Dogs
A Baltimore strip club is running a fundraiser for rescued pit bulls. “Tits for Pits” has its many fans, for reasons that are not too covered up. But, admittedly, not everyone gets behind a Maryland...
View ArticleOregon Cops Respond To Spank Robbery
Meet Andrew Frey of Beaverton, Oregon. Heh, heh, “Beaverton.” Andrew likes to work hard and play hard… usually with himself. It took a Taser and more than a dozen officers on Sunday to finally subdue...
View ArticleWe’ll Call Her Leonardo Da Pinchy
Meet Marcey Hawk. Now meet her bodacious ta-tas. Like many well-endowed women, Marcey is making her, uh, talent, work for her. But instead of suffering paper cuts from one dollar bills, Marcey decided...
View ArticleLook, Squirrel!
Meet Helen Ann Williams, of Charleston, South Carolina. She looks like a Helen. Any hoo, Helen really likes her beer; so much so she stabs people with pottery when she doesn’t receive it. Helen Ann...
View ArticleThe Bold And The Nakedful
A New York City business (naturally) is offering co-ed naked yoga classes. Moments after this story was published, the entire studio turned into a sausage-fest. Bold & Naked is a new yoga studio in...
View ArticleArcher Imitates Life
A California man was caught trying to hide a kilo of cocaine using a technique he must have seen on Archer. Daniel Ramirez, 21, of California, was making the 41-hour journey to Chicago when he was...
View ArticleGoing Out With A Bang
A Pennsylvania couple – naturally – were found dead inside their vehicle after having sex in a car… with the engine running… in a closed garage. I hesitate to mock the dead, but thank Vishnu they never...
View ArticleA Hard Act To Swallow
Being a sarcastic, sophomoric, jerkass, this is the most difficult post I have ever written here. Partly because it is chock full of double entendre, and partly because the subject is only 15 – so I...
View ArticleTwo Minute Warning
An online magazine ranked the 50 states – and Washington, D.C. – according to the time it takes the average citizen to “straighten out their Longfellow.” A not-very-scientific ranking of states...
View ArticlePicking A Lochte
A female commenter I won’t name – it rhymes with “Mollie” – suggested I put up a weekly post for the ladies. Now, while I can’t promise I can deliver every week – “That’s what she said” – I can deliver...
View ArticleHoney Dew Boo
The People’s Republic of Massachusetts, arguably the most egregious offender of liberty known to man, approved a new Honey Dew Donuts store. The approval came with a caveat, however; the doughnut store...
View ArticleSubstitute Teacher Suffers Multiple Strokes
Meet Michael Luecke. Michael knows the difference between a good touch and a bad touch. A 72-year-old substitute teacher at Westhill High School was put on suicide watch after he was allegedly caught...
View ArticleA Kiss Before Buying
A Georgian filmmaker created a clothing ad by taking footage of random strangers sharing a first kiss. Apparently this is a thing. A first kiss is an intimate and sometimes nerve-wracking moment for...
View ArticleSri Lanka’s Job Market Is In Full Swing
In this economy, people are taking even the most menial job. Not so in Sri Lanka, where they can’t pay someone to hang their thugs. Sri Lanka is searching for a new hangman after the latest recruit got...
View ArticleThe Taming Of The Screw
Americans are infamous for their pet causes. Some people fight for civil liberties, some fight against cancer, and others fight for the right to be a hoor. Two New York-based twenty-something’s have...
View ArticleMan Of Steel
A recent survey by a deodorant company – don’t ask – showed a man’s ideal day would involve almost four and half hours of sex… a day. Apparently they only surveyed unemployed 20-year old slackers who...
View ArticleBacon Arsonist Almost Burns House To Bits
Meet Cameo Crispi. Crispi is accused of setting fire to her ex-boyfriend’s house… by burning bacon. The offense of intentionally burning bacon should come with a mandatory death penalty. A woman named...
View ArticleThe Most Surprising Study Evah
A recent study found half of all high school/college men claim they endured “unwanted sex” from an aggressive female. Everything you ever wanted to know about Millennials can be found right here....
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