That Is Some Fantastic Plastic
Despite what you may think, Canada has its fair share of street crime. Take this woman, who was shot in the chest during a dispute. Her life was saved by – get this – her breast implants. This, my...
View ArticleA River Of Bodies Runs Through It
Camden, New Jersey is a little town across the river from Philadelphia. It has a terrific riverfront – much better than ours – but the rest of it is a cesspool of murder and drugs. Now, with the power...
View ArticlePete’s Draggin’
Fun fact: The Amsterdam version of the movie “Elf” stars Samuel L. Jackson. The Netherlands and Belgium are two countries that pride themselves on progressive laws and open societies, but critics say...
View ArticlePaging Doc McStuffins
When it comes to breast implants, there has always been an argument between silicone and saline. Lost in the debate is the newest trend in fake fun bags . . . Cocaine. The bright side of this is that...
View ArticleHokey Religions On The Rise In UK
And no, I’m not talking about Mormonism. /zing People in England and Wales are turning away from Christianity and Judaism, while turning toward a lesser-known religion. These people have embraced the...
View ArticleThanks For The Mammaries
According to a new study, watching online pr0n can lead to serious problems, such as short-term memory loss. It’s interesting that this study was conducted by egghead researchers. You know, the types...
View ArticleShe Shoots, She Scores!
A New York City strip club is offering to help Lindsay Lohan pay her bills: the hard way. Scores in New York is offering Lohan a good sum of money to “host a few events online for ScoresLive.com.” In a...
View ArticleIf You’re Angry And You Know It, Slap A Man
This story is for all you morons who told me that I have anger issues. Well, the pinheads at the University of Jena (Malone?) beg to differ. So frak you and everyone who looks like you!!! If you’re...
View ArticleLet’s Get Fiscal
Today is the big day. If there no fiscal deal by midnight, we go off the fiscal cliff. The Bush tax cuts will expire, and everyone – including the vaunted middle class – will be paying more. You can...
View ArticleThe White Flag Must Have Come Out
Because this was most likely Lauren Block’s last lap . . . dance. A 22-year-old stripper is fighting for her life after she fell head first off a 15-foot balcony while performing a lap dance. The...
View ArticlePoor Barack’s Almanac
Does anyone even care about unemployment numbers now that the elections are over? Government unemployment numbers for December showed that while the general unemployment rate remained flat at 7.8...
View ArticleA Good Day To Die Hard
It’s nice to see some businesses succeeding in the Obama economy. In its latest annual report for fiscal year 2011 to 2012, Planned Parenthood reveals that it performed 333,964 abortions in 2011 – a...
View ArticleThe Hunger Games
In the old days – way back on December 31st – I stuffed myself with a lot of fatty foods. Sure, I realized they would turn me into a fat piece of garbage, but I didn’t care. What I didn’t realize was...
View ArticleIs That The World Cup In Your Pocket…
Or are you just hung like a moose? David Beckham, a man now more famous for showing off his junk mail than for scoring goals, has been shooting an underwear commercial with a renowned Hollywood...
View ArticleIt’s Like Taking The Football Out Of The NFL
The Lingerie Football League is doing away with its most important feature. In a move sure to polarize fans of what is billed as the “Nation’s fasted growing sports league,” the Lingerie Football...
View ArticleHappy Leaf Ericson Day!
A Canadian nerd has found that the leaf used on Canada’s new paper currency is not the country’s iconic maple leaf. It is, instead, a Norway maple leaf. The viking hat was a dead giveaway. The...
View ArticleSledding Uber Alles
You thought your prom picture was embarrassing? When you step out the door, you’re playing a role. Whether you’re a hippie, stock broker, police officer or biker, you dress the way the world expects...
View ArticleBarack Obama: Plato Of The Pigskin
I want to hear Barack Obama pontificate about sports as much as I want to hear Paris Hilton opine about world history. Sadly, my opinion doesn’t matter, since the MSM wants to hear this windbag...
View ArticleGo (Away) Daddy
The domain name giant Go Daddy is shaking things up during the Super Bowl this year. And not in a good way. They stopped tickling your fancy in favor of tickling your funny bone. This is a move I...
View ArticleDown The Gopher Hole
At the University of Minnesota – home of the Golden Gophers – students can now take Sploosh 101. The University of Minnesota is spending $3,400 to host a symposium specifically designed to help its...
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